yeah, you're going: 7 charactersitics of the oblivious h_e

 now, when you think of the word hoe (in a traditional sense), you may find that it is a gardening tool with a thin metal blade, used mainly for weeding. now, if you take a more urban approach to the word, you'll find that the word is more closely aligned with a skank; a woman who's too loose in the booty or whatever. but for the sake of this piece, let's not limit the urban definition to the term only being applicable to a woman. as you read this particular one, you'll find that the attributes listed here are just as applicable to a man as they are a woman. the approach may be a tad different, but the substance is still there nevertheless. if you find out you have "hoe-like" tendencies after reading this, don't beat yourself up...just course correct and do better moving forward, ya feel me?

7). you allow everyone's negative commentary to penetrate your mind and influence your own thoughts.

these are the negative nancy's, pessimistic paula's, sorrowful steve's of the world. they just always seem to be down. every time you ask them how they are, they say something pessimistic like, "hey, i'm still surviving." and it's just like....hey man, you been scratchin' and surviving since the premiere of 'good times'. when are you gonna stop surviving and start thriving? and what you'll find is even when these types of people are happy, one wrong comment from someone else can potentially break their spirits completely and their back to square one. stop being so impressionable, ya'll. it's not cute and it's not good for you. nobody wants to be around someone who's always down and out.  and if you legitimately feel as though you can't win at life for whatever reason, it may be time to assess what you watch on television, what type of music you listen to and who you are hanging out with because what you watch, hear, see and say all affect who you are as a person and play into the level of success you think you are capable of accomplishing, so be careful what you let come from your lips. 

6). you change positions on your thoughts regarding certain topics depending on the crowd you're with at the time. 

this one here is actually a major pet peeve of mine because i dislike conditional people who act one way when i'm around and act another way when i'm outta sight. consistency is key, my friends. these are the types of people who "go with the biggest bark." so, whomever seems to dominate the room at that time, that's who these type of people will follow. that's not cool. what ever happened to individualism? what happened to staying true to self? sure, to a certain degree, we all care what people think of us (that's my unpopular opinion). however, just because you may care, that's doesn't mean you have to be fake...because that's basically what you're doing; being a chameleon of sorts. if you can't be consistent with your own thoughts and beliefs, how can i expect you to be consistent with me in any friendship we were looking to build? 

5). you climax when your obsession to be accepted by others is rewarded with their validation.

in short, this is a trait of those who just have to be accepted by everyone. they don't necessarily have to do things for people physically, yet they also can't stand the thought of people not "banging with them", ya know? they feel compelled to right every wrong that they have because they wish to live a life free of enemies and strife. but what they don't understand is...there's always going to be someone who has something negative to say or may claim to not like you as much as other people do. but, that doesn't mean you have to put on your cape and be a hero who is set out to salvage any and all disputes among folks who don't like you. the height of your success, whether personal or professional cannot be contingent upon your sense of perceived validation from your peers; it's just an impossible battle that you shouldn’t even have any interest in fighting. you wanna impress somebody? impress yourself. set goals and out do yourself. don't worry about what the next person is doing because they didn't create you. hence, they cannot purpose you. only God can do that. i wish there was a scripture in the bible that read, "verily, verily, I say unto you...he who has not purposed you, cannot promote you." but since there isn't, you'll just have to settle for me saying it here. 

4). you only keep people in your circle who'll stroke your ego. 

ever heard the phrase, "if you can't take the heat--get out the kitchen"? well, you'd be surprised how many people refuse to leave the kitchen even though they are incapable of enduring the heat. but then when you really look at their friends, it's easy to see that the only reason they are able to stay in the kitchen is because there isn't any heat. if you're one of these people, you'll find that all of your friends are "yes men and women" who are scared to disagree with you and/or ruffle feathers. instead, they opt to keep to themselves and throw shade when you aren't around. but my question is, how can you expect to grow in an environment that doesn't challenge you? where's the progress in learning how to deal with your vices when nobody around you has the audacity to call you out on your wrongs? yeah, it may have seemed cool to watch cliques with their leader on tv at one point but none of us should be out here seeking to develop followers who do everything we say...that's lame. i don't know about you but i'm looking for friends, accountability partners and the like. i don't need any fans around me who'll leave me just as soon as someone else comes around whom they perceive to be more beneficial to them. bottom line, don't be so engulfed in your own ego that you can't stomach when people call you out on your bull, period.

3). you pillow talk with anyone willing to offer a listening ear. 

i've heard it said once before that any dog that'll bring you a bone...will also take one. ya know what that means? that means anyone that will sit down with you and gossip about everyone else's business will also sit down with someone else and discuss your business when you aren't around. this is quite the annoying trait. yet, it's very common. some people will literally just tell everyone's business for the sake of talking and seeming relevant, all they need is an audience. you ever been in a situation where people just provide information beyond the scope of what ya'll were talking about? ya'll can be talking about something completely unrelated to what they bring up but they just have a way of making the gossip flow right on in. as a matter of fact, while you're reading this, you've probably already thought of someone who fits into this category (you ain't gotta lie). hopefully, you're not one of those folks and if you are....the price is way too high ..... you know the rest (and if you don't ........well, good! at least you're protecting your ear gates, ha!).

2). most of your friends are quickies that you never really got the chance to know before you entrusted them with the privilege of your friendship. 

you ever been in a situation where you really needed to lean on someone for strength or encouragement and you realized none of your alleged friends could pour into you the way you needed them to? maybe you know someone (or perhaps you are that person) that has a different best friend every month or so...and it's just like, really? these are what i refer to as friendship quickies; there's an encounter between two people, usually in a mutual setting amongst other mutual friends, they converse...find out they have something in common and boom! just like that, you're friends. a couple more of these encounters and two weeks later..boom! not only are you two just friends, now you're best friends, "ride or die" so to speak. but it's just like...do you know anything about them outside the brand name of their favorite drink? where's the depth to your friendship? sure, sometimes people can just click and ultimately become the best of friends. but, don't be so quick to extend the privilege of your friendship to people based off of situational substance that'll ultimately leave you high and dry when you actually need them to do something outside of picking you up for tequila tuesday, ya know?

1). you've given so much of yourself away to others, there's no real trace of who you are anymore. 

this is a big one. this is the one who can't seem to say no. they try to be everything to everybody out of fear of being perceived as a failure or someone who has let people down. listen here, (i had to learn this myself) you cannot please everyone. lemme say it again, you cannot, can....not....puh-leeze...every....one. it's not possible. when you get in the game of trying to please one..their expectations will keep growing and they'll grow accustomed to the immediacy of your assistance. the moment you can't provide the help they've grown to expect, they'll call you phony...they'll call you unreliable and they'll literally make you feel like you owe them something. but in the grand scheme of things, you don't owe them anything. don't let people guilt you into running yourself rugged because after a while, you won't even know who you are anymore because everyone around you has taken pieces of you without ever even considering the notion of pouring back into you. unequally yoked relationships are horrible to endure as it is. don't beat yourself up even more by seeking to accommodate people who are invested only in what you can do for them, forreal tho.